Worth remembering..

I know everyone is familiar with the experience of losing a loved one. It is the saddest and loneliest experience ever. 

I remember when I was on training on my first job in a call center in 2004. I received a text message from my sister that my mother died of heart failure from her recent operation due to diabetes. One of her legs was amputated due to lack of circulation and gangrene already festered her foot.

My relationship with my mother was neither the happiest nor the best stuff of a relationship that I would love to tell people about. In fact, she was not there in my growing up years because she chose to leave home after a few years my father died. As a young boy I didn't understand everything. Why she left and when she was coming back. 

Back then I was always sad and longing that she would come home. No one is taking care of us around that time. I remember I am always hungry and there's no food to eat most of the time because there was no adult person around at home. My older brother normally goes home in the evening. He worked at the public market helping his friend and his mother sell fish. My three other siblings were away working as well, but they were far away and only come home occasionally.

I visited her at the hospital before she died. Brought her some snacks. My sister-in-law was there to watch over her while she was there trying to get well. She was sleeping. She woke up when she heard my voice and called me. I let her know that I was there visiting.  She was crying and cursing our uncle who was not there by her side. She was with him for over twenty years and got kicked out of the house when she became sick. She ended up with us. I remember she stayed at my older siblings' houses - few months or weeks at a time before she died. 

When my mother died. I never cried at her wake. It was just like that feeling when you lost
something valuable like your wallet - you feel confused and annoyed why you lost it anyway. After a few months at work, it finally sunk in. My mother died, and I will never see her again. I broke down in front of my computer while making notes of the conversation I had with my customer.